The conventional wisdom is that rebound dating or a rebound relationship is a horrifically bad idea. However, one of the only studies of rebound marriages, conducted at Princeton, finds that rebound relationships are no worse than traditional relationships in terms of future divorce or breakup rates.
Numerous self-help authors discourage dating a “rebounder”. They will even go so far as to say the person who is recently divorced or single is somehow damaged and needs therapy to grieve a relationship appropriately. The Princeton study, though, found there is no strict rule to what recently separated or divorced singles need; rather, it varies by the individual.
If you have ever tried dating after the end of marriage or significant relationship, you have no doubt witnessed the bias against rebound dating. Yes, the rebound dater is likely still dealing with issues from his or her last relationship. Most adults are dealing with issues just as significant and painful as a recent breakup – the death of parents or loved ones, stress from raising children, or financial troubles to name a few – yet there are no biases against dating these grieving adults.
Dating on the rebound can actually represent a good opportunity for growth in a number of ways. Here are three to get you started.
- Mutual Understanding. If rebound daters can find each other, there is good reason to think a healthy relationship – even one that doesn’t result in a long term relationship – can result. People who have in common a recent breakup can often understand the motives and behaviors of their new partner better than other friends or family. This mutual understanding can help each partner through whatever process is necessary, and it provides a good basis for a lasting friendship.
- Good Habits. There are often things that a person would have changed in their prior relationship. One great thing about a new relationship is that you may find yourself on your “best behavior”, as nothing is as motivational as the potential for love! Use this extra energy to change your bad habits. Doing one thing consistently for 30 days if often cited as a way to develop a new habit. Do the dishes, clean the house, exercise, and take care of yourself during this time.
- Realize you’re a good person. With a societal bias against rebound relationships, you might think you’re a bad person just for wanting to be with someone again. Don’t fall into this self-esteem trap! You may have done things you regret in your past relationship. That doesn’t make you a bad person, and it doesn’t make you undeserving of love and respect until you have done a one year sentence of celibacy and self-reflection.
If approached the right way, a rebound relationship can be a healthy way to grow out of your divorce or breakup. Remember what the Princeton study said: results will vary by the individual involved. Figure out what’s best for you, and don’t let the so-called “experts” tell you you’re wrong about dating while recently divorced!
Craig Wilcox is the founder of [http://www.rebound-dating.com] He blogs about rebound dating at [http://www.rebound-dating.com/blog] with the goal of bringing recently divorced or recently single people together for healthy rebound relationships.
Taken from ezinearticles
|From Broken to Open 25 May 2013, 10:30am
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